Corny Dad Jokes About Animals

  1. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker? / It was craving a well-balanced meal.
  2. What is a knight’s favorite fish? / Swordfish.
  3. What do you call a sleeping bull? / A bulldozer.
  4. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? / If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
  5. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? / He’s a little shellfish.
  6. What do you call a fish without eyes? / A fsh.
  7. What do you call a pig that does karate? / A pork chop.
  8. What do you call an alligator in a vest? / An in-vest-igator.
  9. What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat? / A sour puss.
  10. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back? / “Wheeee!”
  11. Why don’t big cats play poker in the safari? / Too many cheetahs.
  12. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? / Because they are really good at it.
  13. Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby? / He was a little hoarse.
  14. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s? / A wise quacker.
  15. How do you catch a whole school of fish? / With bookworms.
  16. What did the horse say after it tripped? / “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
  17. How do you keep a bull from charging? / Take away its credit card.
  18. What do you call an illegally parked frog? / Toad.
  19. How did the black cats end their fight? / They hissed and made up.
  20. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs? / They always hog the puck.
  21. What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat? / A boa constructor.
  22. What did one horse say to the other at the dance? / “You mustang-o with me.”
  23. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? / “Bison.”
  24. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? / Because the “P” is silent.
  25. Why are frogs happy? / They eat whatever bugs them!
  26. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? / A walkie talkie.
  27. What kind of footwear do frogs prefer? / Open-toed.
  28. What chain can you eat? / A food chain.

Corny Dad Jokes About Food

  1. What do you call a shoe made of banana peels? / Slippers.
  2. Why do melons have weddings? / Because they cantaloupe.
  3. Why did the baby strawberry cry? / His parents were in a jam.
  4. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? / “Because she was stuffed.”
  5. Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. / The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
  6. After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. / I needed a running start, but I made it!
  7. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage / The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!
  8. How do you make a lemon drop? / Just let it fall.
  9. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory? / Lack of concentration.
  10. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? / A carrot.
  11. How many apples grow on trees? / All of them!
  12. Why did the cookie cry? / Because his father was a wafer so long!
  13. Cashier: “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir? / “Shopper: “No, just leave it in the carton!”
  14. What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses? / A coconut on vacation.
  15. A sandwich walks into a bar. / The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
  16. What does a nosey pepper do? / It gets jalapeno business.
  17. Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? / Because they might peel!
  18. What did Obi-Wan say to Luke when he was having trouble using chopsticks? / “Use the fork, Luke.”
  19. When should you go at red and stop at green? / When eating a watermelon.
  20. How do you make an egg laugh? / Crack it up.
  21. What do you call a toothless bear? / A gummy bear.
  22. What do you call counterfeit spaghetti? / Impasta.
  23. How do you turn soup into jewelry? / Add 24 carrots.

Corny Dad Jokes About Sports

  1. What do skateboards and magicians have in common? / They both do tricks.
  2. Why did the man get hit by a bike every day? / He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
  3. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? / Mistletoes.
  4. Why did the bike fall over? / It was two tired.
  5. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? / In case he got a hole in one.
  6. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? / She kept running away from the ball!
  7. What lights up a soccer stadium? / A soccer match!
  8. What animal is always at a baseball game? / A bat.
  9. How do cyclists train for their sport? / Recycling.

Corny Dad Jokes About Locations

  1. What did the ocean say to the shore? / Nothing it just waved.
  2. Why are there gates surrounding cemeteries? / Because people are dying to get in.
  3. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? / It’s fine now, she woke up.
  4. What has ears but can’t hear? / A cornfield!
  5. Why does Waldo wear stripes? / Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
  6. Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? / It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
  7. What does a house put on to work? / A dress.
  8. What did the ocean say when it was asked on a date? / “Shore.”
  9. How do you pass a message to a fish? / Drop it a line.
  10. Where does an ocean not have water? / A map.
  11. How do you organize a party on Mars? / Planet.
  12. What building has the most stories? / A library.
  13. Why don’t trees take the bus? / They can never decide on a root.
  14. What did Tennessee? / What Arkansas.
  15. Where do polar bears keep their money? / In a snowbank.
  16. How do billboards communicate? / Sign language.

The Corniest Potty Humor Dad Jokes

  1. What did one toilet say to another? / “You look flushed.”
  2. Spring is here! / I got so excited I wet my plants!
  3. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? / Euro-peein’.
  4. Do you want to hear a poop joke? / Nevermind. It’s too corny.
  5. What did you get when you mix castor oil with holy water? / A religious movement.
  6. Today I learned that diarrhea is hereditary. / It runs in your jeans.
  7. What’s the definition of surprise? / A fart with a lump in it.
  8. When is the best time to go to the restroom? / Poo-thirty.

Corny Dad Jokes About Work and The Office

  1. What do you call a singing laptop? / A dell.
  2. What did the policeman say to the belly button? / “You’re under a-vest.”
  3. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? / Because it’s pointless.
  4. What do lawyers wear to court? / Lawsuits.
  5. How do vampires start letters? / Tomb it may concern…
  6. What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer? / “Keep your shirt on!”
  7. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. / You have my Word!
  8. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? / They each got six months.
  9. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? / “Supplies!”
  10. What’s red and bad for your teeth? / A brick.
  11. If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you… / An iWitness?
  12. What does a baby computer call his father? / Data.
  13. Why did the student eat his homework? / Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
  14. What has four wheels and flies? / A garbage truck!
  15. How does a scientist freshen her breath? / With experi-mints.
  16. Why was the broom late for work? / It over-swept.
  17. How do you define a farmer? / Someone who is good in their field.
  18. Why do shoemakers go to heaven? / They all have good soles.
  19. How do astronauts get their children to sleep? / Rocket.
  20. What do you call music for chiropractors? / Hip-hop.

Spooky Dad Jokes

  1. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? / Nobody Knows.
  2. Which school subject was the witch’s favorite? / Spelling!
  3. What do you call a boring dinosaur? / A dino-snore!
  4. What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? / Chocolate chip wookiee.
  5. What do elves learn in school? / The elf-abet.
  6. Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? / She had bad blood.
  7. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? / He couldn’t see himself doing it.
  8. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? / Because he was sitting on the deck!
  9. What do you call a blind dinosaur? / A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
  10. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t show up? / “Someday my prints will come!”
  11. What did one snowman say to the other? / “Can you smell carrots?
  12. How does the moon cut his hair? / Eclipse it.
  13. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? / With a pumpkin patch.
  14. What does Kermit the Frog and Attila the Hun have in common? / They both have the same middle name.
  15. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space? / He wanted to find Pluto!
  16. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? / Because she will let it go.

Top-Tier Corny Dad Jokes

  1. I sold my vacuum the other day. / All it was doing was collecting dust.
  2. What did the hat say to the scarf? / “You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.”
  3. What did the right eye say to the left eye? / “Between you and me, something smells.”
  4. How do you make Lady Gaga mad? / Poke her face.
  5. Did you hear I’m reading a book about anti-gravity? / It’s impossible to put down.
  6. What does a spy do when he gets cold? / He goes undercover.
  7. Why did the kid cross the playground? / To get to the other slide.
  8. Why did Mozart sell his chickens? / Because they kept saying “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
  9. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? / 1forrest1.
  10. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? / Because then it’d be a foot.
  11. Why is the grass so dangerous? / It’s full of blades.
  12. What’s brown and sticky? / A stick.
  13. It’s not appropriate to make a dad joke if you’re not a dad. / It’s a faux pa.
  14. I like telling Dad jokes. / Sometimes he laughs!
  15. What do you call a man named David without an ID? / Dav.
  16. Can February march? / No, but April may.
  17. What kind of bow is never crossed? / A rainbow.
  18. What beans never grow? / Jelly beans.

Corny Birthday Jokes

  1. How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? / They relish the moment.
  2. What kind of birthday cake do you get for a coffee lover? / Choco-latte.
  3. How do you wish a tree a happy birthday? / Sappy birthday!
  4. What did the elephant want for its birthday? / A trunk full of gifts.
  5. Why did the muffin go to the doctor’s office? / It was feeling crumby.
  6. Why did the child hit their birthday cake with a hammer? / It was a pound cake.
  7. What birthday cake do ghosts like? / I Scream Cake.
  8. What do clams like to do on their birthday? / Shell-ebrate.
  9. What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? / Pop music.
  10. From where should you get a birthday present for your cat? / A catalog.
  11. Why did the child get soap as a birthday present? / Because it was a soap-prise party!
  12. Which year did I celebrate my birthday for only 30 seconds? / My 32nd birthday.
  13. Why did the astronaut leave the party early? / She needed a little more space.
  14. What kind of cake should you eat if you’re sick on your birthday? / Coffee (cough-e) cake.
  15. What kind of candle burns longer than others? / None, silly — they all burn shorter.
  16. What kind of birthday cake is hard as a rock? / Marble cake.
  17. How do you know if a birthday cake is sad? / Look for the tiers.
  18. What will you do if no one comes to your birthday party? / You’ll have your cake and eat it, too.
  19. Why do candles love birthdays? / They like to get lit.
  20. What does every birthday end with? / The letter Y.
  21. Why did the bakery get robbed? / Robbers heard the cakes were rich.
  22. Why were there balloons in the bathroom? / For the birthday potty.
  23. What did the cake say to the ice cream? / “I think you’re cool.”
  24. What do they call you when you attend a ghost birthday? / The life of the party.

Cringey Dad Jokes

  1. Why did the eggs all break? / Because they cracked each other up.
  2. What kind of tree fits in your hand? / A palm tree.
  3. What did the sink say to the toilet? / “You look flushed.”
  4. Which building has the most stories? / A library.
  5. Why did the student eat their homework? / Because the teacher said it was piece of cake.
  6. What song do you sing a snowman on his birthday? / Freeze a jolly good fellow.
  7. What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? / You can’t tuna fish.
  8. Why did the koala get the job? / He was koalafied.
  9. Why did you get fired from the calendar factory? / I took too many days off.
  10. What do you call an alligator in a vest? / An investigator.